Bird's Eye View
by BlackRosary
Summary: When an old friend comes to visit the Host club gets a startling wakeup call on how their club is viewed by an outsider. Fair warning there will be an OC but she will NOT fall in love with any of the Hosts and none of the Hosts will fall in love with her.
1. Bird's Eye View

Down The Rabbit Hole

A.N: Um Ok hi. I'm back with another Ouran story. YAY! This is fair warning there will be an OC but not a Mary Sue. She will NOT fall in love with any of the Hosts (or Haruhi) and none of the Hosts (or Haruhi) will fall in love with her. She will not be freakishly perfect or perky but I can guarantee she will be funny. Also I don't have a solid pairing in my head so any requested pairing will be obliged (I'll try my best unless they are too weird and no M/M I just can't seem to do that correctly without making it sound dumb)

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my OC and this plot unless in some parallel universe she exists.

Warning Satire Ahead

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It was an ordinary day at Ouran Academy, which is good because the most interesting of stories begin on the most ordinary of days.

It was like the calm before the storm as things were proceeding in their normal manner.

The twins were pantomiming, most likely illegal, acts of incest.

Tamaki was flouncing around like a lovelorn fish spewing cliché romantic phrases.

Kyouya was schmoozing small fortunes out of unknowing young ladies.

Honey appeared to be attempting to ingest 3 times his personal body weight in cake.

Meanwhile Mori looked on in silence with all the facial expression of a Buckingham Palace Guard.

And last but not least Haruhi the lower-middle class girl with extensive debts, masquerading as a boy. Clueless, and slightly clumsily, she charms creatures of the same gender with naught but a sparkling smile and the ability to be adorably bland.

(Um, wow, ok normal may not be the best word for what was going on in the host club on any given day. Typical for the Host club? Better!)

All in all it was a typical day, for the host club at least. Finally after hours of pandering to the needs of spoilt, moe, obsessed rich girls Host Club was done for the day. Groaning the group collapsed into the push pink couches, even Mori let out a muffled sigh.

"Was it just me or were the customers even more energized today?" Whined Hikaru resting his head on his brother's shoulder.

"It was not just you there was a 22.5 increase in customer energy today alone." Kyouya answered not bothering to look up the stat in his notebook and too exhausted to even try.

"I sense a disturbance in the force." 6 pairs of eyes turned to stare awkwardly at Mori. Staring back blankly he shrugged in response.

"Well I'm going home to finish my homework." Haruhi stood up rolling her shoulders trying to get the kinks out. In a flash the rest of the group were on their feet but before they could even get a word of protest out a chime similar to harp music echoed though the room signifying the opening of the door.

In stumbled a girl no older than 17, crossly she lurched blindly to a stop attempting to swat the bothersome rose petals that had blinded her as she entered to room.

"God damn it where did the cursed flowers come from?" Finally freeing herself she looked around the room, "Shit, I thought I had finally made it outside."

Catching sight of the group of hosts she pressed herself against the door, feeling around for the handle nervously. Haruhi felt a distinct feeling of déjà vu

"Whoa, ok, I must have gotten lost because I was trying to get outside and this sure doesn't look like… outside?" Her sentence trailed of as she stared at the group.

"Haruhi," she murmured. In a flash of movement she dashed at the group, they could only stare as she tackled Haruhi like a pro football player with a joyful scream of "HARUHI!"

Yanking herself and Haruhi to their feet the girl proceeded to talk rapidly in some foreign language pausing only to squeal and hug the laughing Haruhi. Seeing she was in no immediate danger, beside oxygen deprivation, Hikaru turned to Kyouya.

"Do you have any idea what she's saying?" Kyouya blinked slowly before shaking his head.

"It's English…I think, but she is speaking so fast I can't make out what she's saying."

Suddenly the strange girl stopped talking all together, a look of pure horror on her face. In another tornado of movement she dragged Haruhi back to stand by her friend before standing poised in front of them. Her face was a mask of seriousness and she bowed before speaking gravely.

"I am truly sorry for my rude actions, and for not introducing myself…and for not speaking Japanese."

There was a moment of silence before a smothered chuckle broke through. The still stunned group turned to stare at Haruhi as, smiling, she walked towards the still bowing girl.

"So someone has finally broken you to the bridle?" Standing beside the new girl Haruhi turned to her friends. "Everyone this is Eva she's my…cousin I guess would be the best word."

And there was that awkward silence again.

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A.N. Yes I did the old long lost family relative thing but don't fret my pets her back story will actually make sense. So try to keep an open mind and if I get even one Mary Sue flame someone's getting something very large shoved somewhere very unpleasant. Ciao for now. BlackRosary


	2. Obligatory

Chapter 2: The Obligatory Character Description and Past Explanation

A.N. Batten down the hatches and tie down grandma 'cause this is going to be a doozy. This chapter is going to be a little less funny then the others will be. sigh Ya I know funny is better but I had to get this stuff out of the way first 'cause I really hate when characters come out of nowhere leaving people wondering 'where the hell did you come from?' Still now it's done and overall it's still a good chapter. Frankly if you're reading this I'm impressed because usually people don't actually read authors note. But hey we don't do it for the sake of our health. Anyways on with the show BTW I own Eva but that's it so no sue.

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Seated on the plush couches the group stared at the girl who had just professed to being related to Haruhi. It was not only her abrupt and frankly chaotic entrance, but the fact that someone like HER was related to Haruhi, that struck the Host Club dumb.

Sitting side by side the girls were not very different in height if anything Eva was a bit shorter. Their hair was the similar shade of brown hair if not a bit lighter and auburn on Eva's part. They even had the same wide, and slightly bemused, doe eyes, though Eva's were a sharp shade of bluish green. It wasn't out of the realm of the possible that they were related.

Nevertheless it was the rest of her that left room for doubt. Where Haruhi was willowy and slim with no figure, Eva had a more ample figure, she was not fat by any means in fact she was slightly muscled, but her hips were broad and her chest was 3 to 4 times bigger the Haruhi's. (Which is actually not that abnormal considering how small Haruhi's chest is Eva would still be on the small end of the boobie scale)

In place of Haruhi's short boy cut was a long thick braid that brushed the bottom of her shoulders when Eva walked. Two rebellious strand of hair escaped the tight plaint to frame her face.

What was most startling about Eva was not her hair or her eyes or even her figure. It was her … well, no word in the history of Ouran vocabulary could accurately describe the manner in which Eva adorned herself. Her pants were black jeans with wide bottoms, and were positively dripping in studs and chains, the result was that every step Eva took tinkled almost merrily.

Splashed across her chest in block letters were the words, "Radioactive Personality. Proceed with Caution." Above was a large radioactive warning sign. The hem of the pale white tank top Eva wore was jaggedly torn leaving about an inch of navel showing. Glittering at her belly button was a small black playboy bunny logo with a tiny diamond eye.

Strangely enough though, Eva's make up it was relatively tame. Her eyes were rimmed with about 3 mm of black liner and her lips were painted in a clear gloss. That's all. Still the 3 piercings per ear and small blue crystal nose ring were startling enough.

All in all Eva looked like the sort of person that the Host Club had only seen on TV. Even the indomitable Tamaki was struck dumb.

"So," The group flinched as finally the silence was broken, "Eva what are you doing here?" Eva turned to face her cousin pointedly ignoring the wide eyed stares of the guys.

"Well, I came here for a couple reasons. First of all Nona wanted me to go to school here and second I was to find you. Talk about killing one bird with two stone."

"Wait a moment," Kyouya said blatantly ignoring Eva's butchered analogy, "go here? As in to Ouran? I though… we all thought Haruhi was, well, poor?" All eyes turned to Eva as she burst into gales of riotous laughter.

"Oh my God she did it again." Pausing to take a breath Eva noticed the confused faces around her, she sighed as she lounged into the soft couch. "Maybe it would be a good idea to start from the beginning considering my dear cousin probably didn't tell you a thing." She mock glared at Haruhi but got a shrug in response.

"Well to answer your second question Haruhi is poor I guess, but I'm not. Haruhi's Mom, Aunt Kotoko, and my Momma are step siblings, we have different grandfathers. Our grandma is like uber rich but she is also mega old school. Aunt Kotoko was supposed to take over the company but she went and married Haruhi's dad. Nona had a fit, with Uncle Ryo being…special and all; she said that if Aunt Kotoko didn't divorce him right away Auntie was getting disowned.

"Aunt Kotoko was upset and for a while tempted to do it even though it would have broken her heart, but Momma verbally kicked her butt and they both ended up getting disowned. For about 6 or 7 years we didn't hear anything from Nona. I was born right after the whole disowning thing and Haruhi 2 years later but we still didn't hear from her.

"We lived like normal people in Tokyo for a while with Auntie working as a lawyer and Momma working as a real estate agent. Since our apartments were close Haruhi and I played together often, even after I started going to school we were still close."

Eva paused and her eyes started to fill with tears, the host club could only watch entranced as she continued to speak. Haruhi turned away unnoticed, she already knew the end to this story.

"When I was about 7 and Haruhi was 5," Eva voice broke, "Auntie Kotoko died. Right after Momma got really depressed, I think she started doing some really bad stuff, all I remember is her crying and crying for hours. I couldn't even go visit Haruhi and Uncle Ryo anymore, it felt like just being there was like bragging. That I still had a mom and Haruhi didn't. It was a really dark time, but a couple of weeks later Nona sent for us. I guess Nona felt bad about Auntie dying but was too stubborn to admit it and she could never really forgive Uncle Ryo. I think she always kind of blamed him."

A single tear rolled down Eva's cheek. Embarrassed she quickly brushed it away, being careful not to smudge her eye liner. Clearing her throat she brought her story to a close.

"Anyways, Nona took us to America and decided to groom me to be the heir to the family biz and I've been there ever since."

The room was filled with a looming silence.

"Whoa," murmured the ever eloquent Hikaru.

The silence remained daunting as no one dared to break it.

"But why didn't you ever come to visit her?" Asked Honey cautiously, curiously he crawled over to the girl's lap looking up at her with big eyes. Eva paused for a moment before smiling gently at him.

"Every time I thought of visiting her or phoning I always figured I let too much time pass. I mean how rude would it be for me to just pop back into her life out of nowhere. She was always so adaptable even as a kid, I figured she had a life and friends and I didn't want to ruin it for her."

"Then why now? Why after all this time come seek her out?" All eyes turned to Kyoya but the bespectacled boy merely raised his eyebrow in response.

Eva lowered her eyes once more to her lap. Somewher during story her braid had fallen over her shoulder, almost subconsciously she ran her fingers over it as though seeking some sort of comfort. Finally she raised her gaze directly to Haruhi still tugging on her braid.

"Ru," she said after a moment's pause, "Nona dying. Every day I can see it she grows weaker and weaker. She needs to know that someone will be heir to the company after she dies, I told her I would under one condition. I remembered how when we were little you always wanted to be a lawyer like Auntie Kotoko. I want you to be the lawyer for the family, for you to be my right hand. Will you?"

Seeing Haruhi's stunned face, Eva flushed a bright red.

"You don't have to decide NOW! I mean I know it's sudden and a lot to take in. And I still have 2 years till I graduate and like 4 until you do, then you would have to go to lawyer school. Is there such thing as lawyer school or is it law school? I think its law school. Maybe you don't even want to be a lawyer. Maybe you hate me. Do you hate me? Is this too much? Is it too sudden? Is my brain smoking?"

During her babbling Eva's face had upgraded from red to full on maroon. Taking a deep breath to stem the flow of word Eva dropped her eyes once more to her lap.

"Sorry for dumping all this on you it's just that… I missed you."

Abruptly Haruhi stood up, her sudden movement startling the other occupants of the room. In one fluid motion she wrapped her arms around loosely around her stunned cousin. The rest of the Hosts looked on, bug eyed at the completely uncharacteristic behavior. Normally Haruhi was not a touchy person.

"You were always so dramatic," Haruhi sighed softly before drawing back, "if you stopped talking for two second you would realize there is nothing to forgive."

Looking out the window at the setting sun Haruhi released a frustrated groan.

"Great I missed the train it's going to be dark by the time I get home."

"You can't walk home in the dark!" Tamaki wailed pathetically, "My delicate daughter will never make it home alive."

"We'll take you home," smirked Hikaru, slinging an arm over Haruhi's shoulder, "or better yet…"

"We'll take you home with us." Finished Kaoru, not missing a beat he slid his own arm over the opposite shoulder creating a rather interesting Haruhi sandwich.

The result of course was a traditional Tamaki tantrum. Grabbing at the poor girl he attempted to wrench her from the twins grasp. They began to scuffle, ignoring Haruhi's pleas for freedom as she was caught in the fray.

Meanwhile Kyoya, disregarding his friends' stupidity, looked down at his diamond studded Rolex. It was getting late.

"It is late we will reconvene tomorrow morning at six o'clock. Please don't be tardy."The last sentence was accentuated but his trademark glasses flash.

His efforts were in vain as his responses consisted of a few scattered 'sure' and 'okay's.

In the meantime Haruhi was trying to wrestle herself from the writhing trio of bodies fighting over her.

'If I had known it would cause this much trouble I wouldn't have mentioned the damn train.' Haruhi was starting to feel the exhaustion of the day taking its toll. In one last ditch effort she was able to gasp out a last cry for help.

A pair of strong hands grasped Haruhi around the waist before pulling her to safety. The twins and Tamaki turned to Mori with a combined moan of dismay. Mori merely shrugged in response, he hadn't done it.

Turning they saw Eva standing beside Haruhi, arms glomped possessively around her neck. The look on her face was feral and screamed an unquestionable 'MINE' at the guys.

"As if I'm letting my cousin go home with any of you weirdos. She's coming with me!"

In a flash Eva was gone dragging Haruhi with her, leaving only a cloud of dust and gaping Hosts in her wake.

"So six it is." And with that Kyoya left too, he had some serious snooping to do.

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A.N. There was that so bad. Well there we go seriousness done and next chapter will dispense with the funny. Remember if you want any specific fluff or funny review me and I will do my best to oblige but have no fear there will be no OC romance (unless you want some). Ciao for now BlackRosary


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